I know you think about it sometimes. Sometimes you may even plan it out. Life is hard and sometimes suicide seems like the only option you have.
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I have been there. I have felt so alone in the world, no money, no job, no future and I felt very, very cold inside. So cold that I
would wear a coat when everyone else was wearing a sweater. My insides felt dark and empty. Just emptiness all around. It was that cold deep feeling inside that I found the hardest to take.
Everything I did failed. The things I did right still did not turn out right. The world seemed cruel and brutal with no hopes of changing. People would tell me the world has always been this way and it will continue to be this way. That violence, poverty, cruelty and abuse have always been this way and will continue this way.
Where was God? Where was love? At this particular time in my life, I had been very obedient to God and all of the Bibles’ commandants. People say if you follow the commandants your life will be blessed. Mine wasn’t and I felt betrayed by God.
My friends and family loved me but I felt like a failure and was spiritually wounded. The more I tried to live accordingly to the way the world was, the more screwed by life I felt. What changed? An act of kindness. I was on my way home to commit suicide and a man reached his hand out and introduced himself. The warmth of his presence touched the deep cold within me. Here was another warm human being on the planet with a heart, and dreams like me. He spoke the prayers I had spoken to God and words only God and I had shared and knew. A human angel had spoken them back to me. I was not alone and God had not forsaken me. The desperation in my heart and eyes left.
I decided to stay alive one more day to see what was possible. The very next day, a college friend surprised me and sent me a plane ticket to Hawaii to visit her and my family. Another friend paid my rent. Seven years later, I am alive to write this letter to you. Your dreams are real. Your life has great meaning. Life will get better. I love you.
This is what I want to say to you: You, the beautiful young people of the world, please don’t give up. Please don’t die. There are warm-hearted people still left on the planet and your dreams and visions of the future will come true. We need you to build the inner world that you alone can see.
If you have lived in foster care all of your life, create the lovingfamily that children need. If you come from divorce, marry for love and friendship. If you come from a home of addictions, vow never to become an addict. If your family is in prison, make sure you never go.
Your lives are the answers. You are the answered prayers of your ancestors because you have the strength and wisdom to do better than they did. Things will not always be this bad, because within all of you is the vision of the world. We need you to keep believing. The world needs you to create the world as it should be. All of us loving and caring for each other. I believe in you.
This present world is harsh, maybe even brutal. I understand the disparity between this world and your world is where the pain comes from. As an adult, I am sorry. I am sorry some of you have experienced so much cruelty, bullying, neglect, abuse. I am sorry the world is in the shape it is in. It is transforming into something wonderful, I have no doubt.
So reach out to each other, reach out to me. Reach out to love and stay alive just one more day. You never know when your dreams will come true. I love you.
Reach Out
According to the Pennsylvania State Suicide Prevention Initiative, suicide claims the lives of more than 1,300 Pennsylvanians each year. That is an average of 3.5 lives each day. It is the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24. Lycoming County Coroner Chuck Kiessling reports, "We have had six suicides since January 2011, and the attempts have skyrocketed.”
Suicide Prevention Hotline
Are you feeling desperate, alone or hopeless? Are you in crisis? Every problem has a solution. Please call (800) 273-TALK.
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.
* Call for yourself or someone you care about
* Free and confidential
* A network of more than 140 crisis centers nationwide
* Available 24/7
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Suicide Warning Signs
CLICK HERE FOR WARNING SIGNS
Especially for VETS! Are you a veteran in emotional distress? Please call 1-800-273-TALK and press 1 to be routed to the Veterans Suicide Prevention Hotline. OR Veterans chat live with a counselor. Just talk about it; I am here. You are not alone.
By Tonya Anderson writes and is a counselor and is the Chief of Staff for PA State Representative Rick Mirabito.
