Let's yank some truth out from under the following contradicting statements.
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The National Fatherhood Initiative says "It takes a man to be a dad. " Father-factor.com says "Anyone can be a dad, but it takes a special man to be a father.” Google.com brings over 1000 results for the sentence “anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad.”
Some consistency, or better yet clarity, would be nice. Seriously, “dad” or “father” – which is more important or special? Or are these words so interchangeable that they are equal in value?
There’s another way to look at fatherhood, and it has nothing to do with the words “dad” or “father.” The real difference is between "becoming” or “being” a dad/father.
Any healthy adult male can become a dad whether he plans to or not. Many unprepared men and boys become fathers every day – and some don’t even know it!
However being a father is a lifestyle choice and involves work. Michael Jordan made a choice to work hard at playing basketball, and he perfected his skills by practicing a lot over many years. That’s just like being a dad. The more you practice, the better you get. Don’t let failure scare you – even Michael Jordan was once cut from his high school basketball team.
What happens when you go to work? You get paid. But when you work hard and smart at being a dad, your “paycheck” comes in the form of well-adjusted kids who are ready for life…hopefully.
When you choose to “be a father” you’re jumping into the pilot seat of the greatest adventure of your life. Through the twists, climbs, crashes, dives and calm blue sky – you’ll see it all.
So what if you lose some sleep, get mad sometimes, have lots of laughs…and maybe some tears too? So what if you have to put some fires out along the way? So what if you feel like your kids are watching you every moment? Actually, they are – and that’s a key point we emphasize in our Dad 2 Dad class – as a parent you’re “on stage” 24/7. What you do now, your kids will do as parents.
So give your children something good to see and learn from:
1. Always keep your promises – to your children, and their mom. Your children will learn what truth is, and people will see you as honest. Integrity is the #1 characteristic of successful people.
2. Treat people with respect, whether they deserve it or not. Your children will respect you more and learn to respect others. Mutual respect is one of the key indicators of great relationships.
3. Be a champion of your children’s successes and an encouragement in their failures. It’s out of failure that we learn how to succeed.
4. Be a leader, so your kids learn how to be leaders. It sure would be nice to hear “I told Jimmy not to steal that candy bar because that’s wrong, and he put it back.”
You may spend time with your children every day. Or you may hardly see them because you either don’t live with them or you work late or far from home. There’s still a lot you can do, just adapt it to your situation:
1. Call or spend time with them before bedtime or first thing in the morning. A little “Go get ‘em, Tiger!” goes a long way.
2. Read stories in person or over the phone.
3. Have breakfast together, or take your children to school.
4. Send short messages of encouragement via text, Myspace, Facebook, e-mail, etc.
5. If you travel a lot for work or are in the military, clip newspaper articles from the cities you visit.
6. Whether you’re in the same room or on the other side of the world, you can play online games together on sites like www.pogo.com or www.popcap.com
7. Leave a little note where it can be found, or write a letter or postcard.
8. Don’t be afraid to say “I love you” everyday.
So go “be” a father, dad. Or is it the other way around?
By Seth W. Caton
Fayette County, PA
